The Law of Conservation of Patta Day

“Shit ! Shit ! Just missed it”- Apoorv cursed himself. Those were the days when Facebook was unheard of and people were hooked on to  Orkut where one could see the friends who were/just had been online. It had been 4 days since she had added Apoorv as a friend. They had exchanged scraps. But not one time could he find her online to chat.

Then, on 5^th Jan ’08, they finally met. Again . Yeah Yeah only online. But they did. “Finally” was the first word he had typed to her. And then they talked. Like they had known each other for ages. It was an instant hit. They talk about how the wavelengths of two people match. Here the amplitude, frequency, velocity, wavelength, etc. everything was a perfect match. Twenty minutes into the chat and Apoorv had to rush for the meeting of his beloved techno-management college fest. “Shit yaar. Meeting !? Of all things. NOW !?", says the still evolving Apoorv, “I have to to leave for a meeting” says the professional moron. Anyways, they exchanged phone numbers and he left.

Fifteen minutes after leaving he received a message. It was her. Apoorv, for the first time in his life, had a message sent by a girl on his cell-phone. Even the Joker would have fainted had he seen the arc of Apoorv’s smile that moment.

“WTF!” – she loves Organic Chemistry. Seriously?  Apoorv was absolutely crazy about organic chemistry and considered himself to be the rarest of rare species. And the one girl he had come into touch with loved it.  “What are the odds” – he thought ! He messaged her his favourite Organic Chemistry question – “How will you convert Acetone to Acetylene in 2 steps?” He had asked this question to many masters of organic chemistry. Only 1 had managed to solve it (he happened to be Apoorv’s chemistry teacher :P). There came the reply. She had almost solved it ! He was shocked. It’s one thing to love organic chemistry. It’s another to know it really well too!  This was something special. This deserved a phone call. And then, on 6^th Jan’08 he made his first ever phone call to a girl ! With a little hint, she cracked the question. And he was about to faint. With joy!

The little life left in him vanished when Apoorv then realized that she loved and was really good at pure Hindi too. “Wait Wait Wait ! Now this is creepy”. As if the common love Organic chemistry wasn’t enough now they had a common love for writing pure Hindi! Talk about the odds of lightning striking at the same place. This was like 2 lightnings striking at the same place AND at the same time ! This is unreal and unimaginable.

Time flied by on rosy wings. The phone calls had become regular. The 500 sms-packs started getting exhausted in 3 days. Reliance share prices were hence rising. They talked a lot. But mostly not random stuff.  It was 4 months to JEE. A dream she had as a kid. To be at an IIT. Not to find a good job. But for the sake of being in an IIT – it was her childhood dream. Apoorv starting making her study-schedules . Telling her what to study and what not too. Making her solve problems and taking mini-tests. Trying all possible shortcuts for the little time she had left. Hoping against hope that she would make it.

It was really strange - in a refreshing kind of way. This feeling he had never felt before. A feeling of inner calm, peace and tranquility. Like listening to the waves of the sea rise and fall. Why talking to her made him happy, why he loved it when his day began and ended with her, why he would silently pray and hope for the realization of her childhood dream? – he had no answers. Maybe this is what they call as the L-word. Maybe he HAD fallen in love with her. Nobody sees God. We feel his presence. And this was something which was as serene and magical as His essence. This thing that they were having was something to be worshipped. Organic chemistry and Hindi were just signs for them to realize that they were really the perfect match.  It was the same for her too. Just that it was love at first sight on Ides of December for her!

The dream continued. It was her. And for her it was him. They were sure. It never had to be said. It was understood. Never mind if they weren’t able to meet. Never mind if it were only conversations over the phone. They never really were “only” conversations. They were the most magical moments two people could spend together!

They came to know that Apoorv’s cousin sister and her cousin brother were batchmates at an engg. college. On 16^th February ’08, while they were lamenting about how they weren't able to meet, he said – “How good would it have been if our cousins had got married! We could have met in their marriage”. She instantly replied – “No”. “Why??” he asked showing surprise. “Because humare ghar mein aisa maante hain ki jis ghar se ladki lete hain uss ghar mein ladki nahi dete”. “ Hmm. Achcha. Ok” – he said. Then there was a pause. Then he thought. What did she just say! What !!  “You moronic tubelight” – he said to himself. It dawned upon him. He literally jumped in joy. Fellow hall-mates noticed him getting mad as they passed by. “What did you just say?” – he asked to confirm. And she confirmed. This time he could sense a smile on her face. A shyness in her voice. She was the most beautiful and the most complete woman he had met and loved from the bottom of his heart. And he had just received a – what do they call it – a Proposal !!! It had been only 2 months. But they both silently knew it. This was surreal. Like magnetic lines of force starting and ending on the same pole. Like someone had just measured both the position  and momentum of an electron simultaneously !! Incredible !

He replied –“ This means ki achcha hua ki meri cousin ka patta kat gaya . Warna toh mera patta kat jaata. This is like Law of Conservation of Patta”.

16^th February is henceforth celebrated as the ‘Law of Conservation of Patta Day’ !

P.S. 1 :-  For all those who made a mockery of the P.S. 1 of the previous blog I state with all my integrity that – “All characters in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely co-incidental.”

P.S. 2:-  12 hours of work at office and then this blog. A gift to you on the ‘Law of Conservation of Patta Day’ :)

P.S. 3:- The author hopes that she and Apoorv live happily ever after !

Ides of December !

“So today we are going to start a new topic – Permutations and Combinations” – no, Apoorv wasn’t going to be tortured by yet another teacher lecturing him on the most frustrating topic in the entire JEE syllabus. He was the torturer !

He had taught a lot of topics but Perm Com –  “ ewww ! Sir I had ditched it when I was myself preparing for JEE and now I have to Teach it .. ewww ! . “No Apoorv ! I’m sure you’ll do well “ , came the reply . (which made him shudder till the day he was humbly asked to teach Probability – but ,that’s a story for another day ! )

It was 15^th December, 2007. Just another class. Just the same 150 odd students of his “darling” Salt Lake batch – the most notorious one he had taught yet, still somehow loved teaching them.

Ten minutes into the class and to the extreme left chair of the second row he noticed someone. Wait, he hadn’t seen her before. Maybe a new student. Anyway, he noticed her solving a problem which he had given in the class. She completed it, probably before the rest could, and looked at him . She smiled. Shiny brown eyes, bright glowing face, long luscious hair, and ahh ! the smile . It didn’t take him long to  realize that she was  the most beautiful girl he had seen yet. “Look somewhere else you moron!", he said to himself. Oh yes, the students, the class and the doubts. Loads to take care of. But that moment he wished it would all go away. But. As always. The dreaded “But”. So, he continued patrolling the room clearing petty doubts of other students. As calm and composed as ever. Fourteen years at a boys’ school. And then a boys’ college called IIT Kharagpur.  It was as if he had trained himself to ignoring girls no matter what. It was another matter that he thought of most of his girl students as sisters. But this was something different.

The short class ended and as usual Apoorv was crowded by the doubt-full students. “Aap IIT Kgp se ho ? Kaun si branch ?". He turned back. Woah ! The ever-so-calm and composed over-trained-to-ignore-girls Apoorv says “Haan. Mechanical Engineering”. That’s all he could muster. The guy inside him says “Wow !” . The ever-growing smile was close to him. He saw her closely for the first time. Denim jacket, long ear-rings, jeans and a green top and yet again – the smile ! “Apoorv bhaiya yeh integration kar do na” – blurted a moron from behind. The nerdy Apoorv was elated. He loved integration. And was consumed in solving that problem. So consumed that he forgot who was standing close to him.  It still gives him a heart-attack realizing how this pathetically nerdy this Apoorv was. He was the dominating species of all the Apoorv-kind then. But then, Darwin said it, and he believes in it -  Apoorv evolved.

21^st December, 2007, same time same place. Yet again he noticed her between the class and walked straight past her. Was he in army or something ! Anyway – “Too good for you Apoorv. 6 ft 1 in and a full 56 kgf  of gravitational pull vs (yet again) the most beautiful girl in the world you’ve seen yet . Sigh! Padhaane pe dhyaan do gadhe”, he resigned. But after the class, while he was waiting for someone, she came again. They were four of them talking. About him. About life at IIT Kharagpur .About how bloody scared he once was because when had to go back after vacations to a senior hall as a second-year student. About the ragging. The two of them. Talked. Laughed. Like they had been talking for ages. One would ask -Wait, there were four of them right ?  “Yeah, sure !" “Will you attend more classes ?”, he enquired. “Maybe on 1^st January coz I’ll be in Bangalore till then”, she replied. “Okay” says one Apoorv, “Shit ! “ says the other one.  It was time to leave. Oh God! why not just a few more moments. Wasn’t meant to be. With a heavy heart, he left.

It was a hard day. As he lay awake on his bed trying to sleep, he recalled each and every word of the conversation. And tragic as it was, he could not recall her face. He felt sometimes we are so consumed with something that we actually forget its form. Lame logic. “Makhau, gadhe, yaad kar” . “Arey haan, I’m trying my best”, he said to himself. And then it dawned upon him. “Phew”. The violins, the angels flying in the air. Only in movies, eh ? Nope. Movies are inspired from reality too. He was doing something he had never done before. Thinking about someone. Elated. Amazed. Evolution was at work. And he could feel the nerdy ever-so-calm never-thinking-about-girls Apoorv becoming extinct. A new one was emerging. Who for the first time in his life longed to be with a girl. This girl. If only for a Planck time. Yet again, the harsh reality dawned upon him. The mundane obstacles , the stark differences – and he went to sleep. Hoping against hope to meet her on 1^st January.

“Mom, I’m planning to take a class on 1^st Jan“, he said. “Why ? You are leaving for Kgp on the 2^nd , and you have already taken 30 classes in 15 days ”, she replied . 30 classes in 15 days!!  Doesn’t matter. “I’ll be bored at home. I am taking a class on 1^st Jan. Period.”, out came the lie . He called up his sir and was offered either no or 4 classes of 2 hours each ! FOUR classes . “Phew”.  But, too little a price for too much. He wish she would come. And as he went into the class – there she was. Only he can  know how he managed not to jump in joy. “4 classes, eh ! Give me 10 today”, he thought.

The class ended. Sooner than he had expected. And then again he was following the post-class-doubt-solving-routine when she came again. They talked. But with so many people crowding him, he lost track and the next moment she was gone. He asked a student – “Where did she go?”. “Just left for the gate”, came the surprised reply. He rushed for the gate cursing all those who had crowded him. He reached the gate and there she was.  “Phew ! Close shave”. He went up to her and asked “What’s your name?”. An apparent celebrity that she was in the batch, the question left her shell-shocked. After all – “What’s your name !!". What a champu he was she must have felt. But on the other hand, being too pathetically oblivious of what such a question actually means in the real “normal” world, it was a giant leap for him having taken the “initiative” to ask a girl’s name for the first time in his life . Evidently, evolution is a slow process. Nevertheless, she replied. And then they parted. Maybe that was the end of it. Maybe not.

The 4 classes had taken their toll on him. Utterly tired, he logged on to Orkut (no Facebook in those days). He knew the name. All he had to do was to search for her profile. Adding as a friend was way out of question. As his homepage opened, he saw a friend request. His eyes widened, his  heart increased its horse-power manifold, the violins and angels were back again. He instantly recognized it from the display picture. Her titled vivaciously smiling face in a pink dress. The best display picture of the most beautiful girl in the world. There it was. Right in front of him. Fate. Destiny. Luck. He isn’t a buyer of these. But this. This is something beyond the space-time curvature. Beyond the all the laws of nature and definitely beyond him. Needless to say, he added her.

Orkut. Gtalk. Phone.

And the rest, as they say, is history !

P.S. 1: All characters in this post are fictional. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely co-incidental.

P.S. 2: Apoorv meant this to be a 15^th December, 3 year completion gift .But couldn’t resist.

P.S. 3: Theek hai phir !